The Anatomy of the Shame Cave

Dear Readers,

A wonderful and expressive term has recently entered the lexicon of the English language. This almost magical expression describes both a physical place, and a general state of mind. It conjures up images so dark and desolate that grown men have been know to weep at its mere mention. My fellow shamesters, we are talking about the infamous and glorious "Shame Cave".

For the un-shameful among us, the idea of a cave meant specifically for shame might seem obtuse. Those who have dared, nay, endeavored to enter their own personal caves of shame know both their power and their necessity.

There is only one pre-requisite for a shame cave... One must enter a S.C. after a night of consumption where either a specific shameful event has taken place, or a shame build up has occurred and reached critical mass.

The burning question is a deceptively difficult and probing inquiry... What is a shame cave? And more, what does one need in order to create one? Well, shamesters, look now further. Follow these simple rules and you too can bask in the crippling embarrassment of your own shame cave:

1. There is a minimum stay of 24 hours once you enter.

2. The ideal position of your cave is in your bed, or perhaps on a couch (provided you woke up on it after passing out drunk).

3. It is recommended that you DO NOT eat during your stay... If you must eat, ordering pizza or eating unsalted crackers from your pantry are your only options.

4. Your attire must consist ONLY of the following: your clothes from the previous shame filled night (vomit and grass stains intact), or dirty and stained sweats.

5. Your only thoughts must be of your overwhelming shame and your desire to never deal with the circumstances which induced it in any meaningful manner.

6. You may watch television, but it must be meaningless garbage tv (infomercials)... this is to allow focus on your abounding shame.

7. You may not sleep while the sun is down, only day time sleeping is permitted. And only in twenty minute spells... Again, the focus here must remain on your shame and only your shame.

8. Finally... and MOST IMPORTANTLY:

You must not have any contact with the outside world what so ever. Don't even look at your phone, despite the sure to be dozens of calls and texts informing you of your shameful behaviour. You don't need this... you know what you've done and need to focus on it. No facebook, no email. Only your shame.


Well... that's it, folks. Do all of the above and with any luck, after your 24 hour stay you should be shame free and ready to emerge from your cave and re enter society. If not, lather rinse and repeat that shit.

Stay shameful.